For as long as one can remember, they can see that they have had an inclination to save or rescue others. As a result of this, they will be used to being there for others and doing what they can to ‘help’ them.
For a long time, it would have seemed like they were doing the right thing, but there would have come a point where they realized that living this way wasn’t really serving them or others. This might even be something that they were forced to accept, after reaching the point where it was no longer possible for them to behave in this way.
waking up
Regardless of what has allowed them to step back and see that they need to change, they will no longer be willing to behave in the same way. Still, they might have a hard time understanding why it has taken them so long to wake up.
In the first place, there’s a very good chance that behaving this way would have been normal, and since it was normal, it wouldn’t have stood out. Second, behaving in this way may have allowed them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others.
there’s no reason to change
Thanks to how certain people responded, one wouldn’t have gotten the impression that they were doing something wrong. They may have been told quite regularly that they were an example of how to behave.
So you weren’t putting your needs first and being ‘selfish’; they were ignoring their needs and acting in a ‘disinterested’ manner. However, living this way would have come at a great cost.
self-carelessness
Ultimately, one has needs and in order for them to lead a fulfilling existence, they must take care of these needs. For one thing, it is through being there for themselves that they can truly be there for others.
Taking care of your own needs will give you the energy and strength to serve. When this does not happen, they will remain empty and it will only be possible for a watered down version of them to appear.
a consequence
Therefore, living this way will not be very satisfying and you may find that you have caused a lot of resentment. This is because even though they will have created the impression that they are selfless, they will have needs.
Therefore, being there for others and not meeting their needs will naturally have caused them a lot of pain. Behaving this way wouldn’t have stopped them.
The other side
The way they have behaved will also have prevented the people they tried to save from taking responsibility for their own lives. It would have been as if one was a parent and the other person was a child.
So one would have been doing things that someone else should have done for themselves, robbing them in the process. The reason one would not have been able to see this is because behaving in this way was fulfilling a need they were unaware of.
an indirect approach
What this probably shows is that they have been projecting the parts of themselves that need to be healed onto others. So it’s not that one wanted to save these people; it is that they wanted to save themselves.
But, since they were not aware of what was going on inside them, they would not have been able to realize this. And, as you know, trying to change what’s going on ‘out there’ will not allow you to rescue yourself.
An act
The other part of this is that being there for others will have been a roundabout way of trying to meet your own needs. This probably illustrates that they are ashamed of their own needs, which is why they cannot meet them directly.
With this in mind, being there for others, in the way you have been, will be seen as the only way for them to be accepted and survive. Ergo, setting this role aside and revealing who they are will be seen as a threat to their very survival.
a deeper look
The big question is: why do they feel the need to hide who they are? Their early years may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, causing them to feel guilty and ashamed of their own needs and themselves.
Due to the lack of support for their true self, they would have had to develop a false self. His focus would have been on what was happening externally, losing touch with what was happening internally in the process.
going forward
In order for them to let go of this false self and embrace their true self, they will have to deal with what is holding the former in place. In your body, there is probably a lot of trauma that needs to be resolved.
As you go deeper into yourself, you may discover that you are carrying a lot of toxic shame around. Also, your mind would have created a set of beliefs around what happened and these will need to be addressed.
Awareness
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If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.