By far one of the most common concerns I hear from wives who are trying to determine if they want to save their marriage to a husband who has cheated on them is whether or not that same husband will cheat again. Many wives feel they might be willing or able to make things work if they knew it wouldn’t be a waste once he repeated the same behavior and hurt her again.
And yet, all you have to do is turn on your TV or pick up a newspaper or magazine to see proof that many men cheat time and time again, even when they claim they are still faithful and even after proclaiming their love. and their commitment to their wives.
An example of a comment I’ll hear is something like, “My husband cheated on me with an old girlfriend who was in town when her mom got sick. There was an eight week period when I noticed my husband was just acting weird and I felt like something was going on with him. He swears this is the first time he cheated on me. However, after thinking about it, I can remember other times in our marriage when he was acting this weird way and I wouldn’t be surprised if he cheated on me before. His father is a serial cheater. And women are always reaching out to my husband. He begs me not to leave him and break up our family. He says he’s going to go to therapy and do whatever he has to do to rehabilitate himself. I want to believe that. I really think so. But I know so many serial cheaters in my life. And I have no patience for them. My mother has been married many times and many of these low-life men have cheated on her. I’m beginning to believe that some men are j we are only three amous and we can not stop. I don’t want to be married to one of these men. Do you think that men who cheat can really be rehabilitated?”
I think there are different categories of cheaters: Well, if I thought rehabilitation after cheating was impossible, then I wouldn’t be married today. However, to be fair, I think some cheaters fall into different categories. There are some spouses who cheat only once, only briefly, and never cheat again.
And then there are the men who cheat multiple times and seem to need infidelity almost like a drug. These are the spouses who will also lie outright and try not to take personal responsibility for their actions and resist going to counseling.
As is probably always obvious, I don’t put all cheating spouses into one category. That’s not to say that I think repeat cheaters are a lost cause that can never be rehabilitated. I think they can be. But it requires constant work and treatment (like any other type of addictive and destructive behavior which repeated cheating certainly is). And men who don’t take responsibility are often unwilling to put in that kind of effort, which lessens the chances. of them being rehabilitated.
Wondering what category your husband is in: In this case, this husband seemed more than willing to go to counseling and work with his wife. And, although her wife suspected her of the earlier deception, she didn’t know for sure. It was likely that she, at least in part, was reacting to the behaviors of the people around her such as her mother’s husband and her mother-in-law, neither of whom were her husband. I think if he says that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get rehabilitated, then make him do exactly that and see what happens. You do not have to compromise any results at this time. You can tell him that you are willing to wait and see.
I would like to make one final point. It is not only the husband who needs to be rehabilitated. He is the whole family. Please don’t misunderstand. I am not saying that anyone except the husband is to blame. But infidelity affects and damages the entire family unit. It is beneficial for everyone to focus on healing. And the faithful spouse can often use some help to restore trust and rebuild self-esteem. All of these things will make rehabilitation easier and more likely to last.
My answer to the original question would be yes, it is absolutely possible for cheating spouses to be rehabilitated. It happens all the time. It is not uncommon for someone to cheat just once and then never cheat again. And these marriages can last and be very happy. But, the more times infidelity has occurred, and the less responsibility the cheating spouse is willing to take on, the more difficult it will be for true rehabilitation to occur. This does not mean that it cannot happen.
All rehabilitation requires a great deal of commitment and work. But serial cheaters have more work to do, more triggers to discover, and more damage to erase. It is not impossible, but the whole family must be involved and it is an ongoing process.