It was an early Tuesday morning and I was making a bagel with cream cheese and jam for my youngest daughter, Marissa, so she could take it to school since we were running late. My oldest daughter, Clarissa, then twelve years old, walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and poured herself a glass of orange juice. I asked him if he wanted a bagel too and he was quick to reply, “Oh god no! Do you have any idea how many calories are in that stuff, Dad? I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I was alarmed enough to share this.” with her mother. Later that night we sat down and had a talk with her and she went on about how fat she was. This, coming from a 12-year-old girl who, at the time, weighed only 90 pounds. We emphasized to her the importance of eat well and that all the images I saw on television and in magazines were not real, I looked my daughter straight in the eye and told her that in many parts of the world there were children who, after 3 in the afternoon, still had not eating breakfast, let alone worrying about her weight. I mentioned the need to be thankful for what we had, our daily bread as I called it. I really hoped to God that it would all go down. Thankfully, we never really had any more problems with her or with my other two children talk about that topic. It turns out that our family has been lucky. There now appears to be a growing epidemic of eating disorders in the US among ‘Tweens’ (children between the ages of 9 and 12 in childhood and adolescence).
I do not want to eat anything!
Now fast forward to a few years later. One day I was watching TV and suddenly became very alarmed by a news report. The show talked about Tweenorexia; a new problem facing children today. The reporter began to say that more than 80% of 10-year-olds were afraid of getting fat. You read that right, 80% of TEN-year-olds! My youngest is now 11, so I sat there and watched the show intently. They were interviewing a girl from Chattanooga, Tennessee named Shae. She was your typical normal ten year old girl. Shae has been on the gymnastics team since she was four years old. So, one day she decided to leave the team to concentrate on her social life and her studies. Within a month of leaving her mother, Michele Walker, she began to notice changes in her daughter. Michele would sometimes listen to the comments that Shae said while she was looking at herself in the mirror. She heard her exclaim one day “look how fat I am!
Of course, if you saw her, you’d wonder what she was talking about, since she was a normal 85 pounds for her height. Shae, speaking now in the interview, mentions how she often pinched the fat on her stomach. Though it was just skin, in Shae’s mind they were signs of imperfection. She shortly after refused to eat anything but salad. She then became obsessed with working out. Shae started wearing baggy clothes to hide her dwindling body and weight from her family and friends. In three months, she dropped from her healthy 85 pounds to just 68. Her mother was so alarmed and concerned about her appearance that she took a photo of her in a bathing suit to show her how thin she was. I was. Now just 10 years old, Shae had become anorexic. Only ten years!
As I looked at this little girl, I couldn’t help but look at a photo of my three daughters hanging on the living room wall and shuddered. That could have been, still be one of my girls. I felt the mother’s pain and could only imagine what she would have done if she had been one of my children.
Dying to be skinny; How far will the children go?
It wasn’t long before Shae had to end up hospitalized in an eating disorder clinic. For her, it had become a life and death situation. Shae had to be fed with a feeding tube to slowly regain her normal weight. Here was this girl who admits on camera that she was suicidal at age 10. Suicide at 10 years old? Life is difficult enough for children to have to deal with weight problems so early in life. After months of therapy at a camp for kids just like her, Shae is back to eating healthy. Now, three years later, she looks back on everything that happened to her with the experience of an adult. She says that she no longer has feelings of imperfection. Shae now accepts herself for who she is. This story is at once disturbing, troubling, and surprising. What have we become as a society that children so young have to go through this?
The truth is that all parents need to worry because the numbers are terribly staggering. A recent study of elementary school teachers found that 60% of them say eating disorders are a problem in their classroom. 16% of girls between the ages of 8 and 11 are on a diet! The numbers for young children, though slightly lower, appear to be increasing.
The signs to look for; They could save their son!
Many times, while my daughters were watching TV or flipping through magazines, they would talk to each other about how perfect and skinny all the models or actresses looked. “Real life isn’t like that,” she would often tell them, hoping they would assimilate. Desperately trying to help them not feel inferior to the characters they saw on TV or in ads, I drove this message home. However, this is why we as parents need to listen and be aware of not only what our children are watching, but also what they are thinking and saying. What or who influences your decisions? Some of the early signs of an anorexic teen are anxiety, depression, and an obsession with perfection. Signs that something may be wrong are a disruption in the child’s normal behavior, personality changes, and/or mood swings. Reserved behavior coupled with the child becoming withdrawn or overly anxious should be cause for alarm bells to ring. Of course, if he or she insists on taking a sudden shower after a meal, keep in mind that this may be a way to mask purging. Once your son or daughter starts talking about wanting to skip an entire food group from the menu, pay more attention to them. If he or she suddenly exercises too much, this should immediately cause a light bulb to go on in her head. At this point, you should talk to your children and perhaps see a doctor together who can stress the importance of eating from all the food groups. Remember that anti-obesity messages in schools can sometimes backfire.
The perfect look. Are TV and magazine ads to blame?
What role do teen movie stars play?
You will be surprised at the HUGE influence a pop star or teen celebrity can have on the decisions your child is able to make. I write this article and shake my head to see how completely deviant we have become as a society. When children 8-11 years old, normal by weight + height standards, feel the urge to diet, it is sad and disturbing. But can we blame then when you see it everywhere? Billboards and TV, movies and video games, magazines and the Internet. Especially toys like barbie dolls, which always seem to have the perfect figure. How many exercise commercials do you see on a typical day? Every picture thrown our way always shows off the perfect body! The perfect face! Is the movie industry to blame? How many teenage movie stars do we see on TV looking dangerously skinny? Some, as if glorifying anorexia. Sometimes their influence outweighs any parenting advice we can give our children. I think we have become obsessed with perfection. No normal adult can compete and deal with that on a daily basis. How? And if we as mature adults can’t deal with it sometimes. How can we ask our children to do it?