“Provocative” can mean many different things to different people. What I am going to address in this article are those people who use negative provocation as a neurotic defense against their own feelings of rejection and alienation. Let me start by saying that both of my parents were somewhat provocative. They could say things that would provoke a reaction in me. He loved them deeply. But there were times when they said things that literally pushed me away and elicited a negative reaction. Fortunately, in my family, provocation was not a generalized pattern that led to extreme disorder.
As a result, over the years I found myself in a couple of provocative relationships. They did not work. I remember sitting down to dinner with my future mother-in-law and she deliberately got into a fight with me. I handled it wonderfully with a laughing smile and a confrontational comment.
Currently, when I am in the presence of a provocative person, my initial reaction gives way to my true need and purpose in life: to give universal love.
As a psychotherapist with over 40 years of experience, I have seen many people and relationships crammed with provocative statements that were ubiquitous and led nowhere except alienation and emotional divorce. In the midst of such a situation, you may ask yourself the following: Are you trying to provoke me? If so, why? Did I cause this? It’s a dilemma, because often the provocation comes out of nowhere and leaves you wondering how it started.
However, a provocative (provocative) person does not aim to provoke your anger. But that’s what usually happens. Some provocateurs are in search of power and influence, and their need to provoke is an impulse to achieve it. However, as with most provocations, rejection is usually the result and the opposite of your intention.
There is an axiom that you win some battles and lose others. Understand that you are in a battle, especially with a provocateur. There is nothing wrong with seeking power and influence. But when you use the negative provocation strategy, you get the wrong result. Negative provocation breeds rejection, failure, helplessness, and helplessness. Oh, one may have a quick and transient sense of influence and power, but in the long run it will invite rejection and distance.
One of the questions I mentioned earlier was, “Did I cause this?” This is an excellent question to help you become aware of any learned provocative tendencies. I suggest the following strategy: Dig deep within yourself and examine your family history for significant other people who use or have used negative provocation as an ineffective strategy. Be aware of how you felt about it. I’m sure you didn’t like it. As a result, you may have internalized some of his provocative behavior and perhaps even used it yourself, without knowing it. Now is an excellent time to examine and self-monitor your role in this type of negative exchange.
Try the following statement and repeat it over and over again until you absorb it: “I refuse to be provoked. I am calm and clear and wish to express universal love “. Repetition is the key.
Another strategy is to make a list of those situations in your life that smell like negative provocation. Examine how you felt and how you handled each of these situations. Take an inventory of the strategies you used. How do they work? What strategies would you like to use in the future when facing a provocative person? Sometimes you can just get up and go. But be careful of the emotions you carry with you when you get out of the face of a provocateur.
If you see yourself as a provocateur, examine how your provocations have affected your relationships with other people. Take full responsibility for yourself and see if you can remove any guilt that might keep you locked in negative provocation. Examine how you want to deal with your own provocative behavior. If you want to get it out of your life, put it in project status.
Again, don’t blame others for your provocative behavior. Remember, it is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. Keep hope alive! Put love on your top agenda and love will fill your life instead of rejection and alienation. Negative provocation is a love killer and can cause deep primal pain to others. (See Feeling People by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.)