Has anyone said that you don’t hear very well? Well, that happened to me from a previous girlfriend. It sure hurt. My response to her was ‘What?’ No, I wasn’t being funny either. It was natural to say. She was having financial problems and I was trying to solve her problem. That’s when she said that she doesn’t hear very well, not at all.
So that was one of the tips. Stop trying to fix people. It’s hard to do. As I was teaching these listening skills to an 80-year-old man, he told me that he couldn’t stop trying to fix someone. It was an impossible task for him to try to try. He just had to fix. That he is also far from cutting off the connection with someone. Stop fixing! please?
Another tip that is almost impossible to try is to respond to someone who is speaking with a question of an included value. Do you want honesty or trust? This is a way to build a question and a connection. I teach this very simply, but people don’t get it. It is a paradigm shift. People don’t want to use values even though great communication is being built. They usually respond with a huh because they are not used to receiving understanding. although it feels good
It’s a different way of talking to someone. You are speaking to them with understanding. It is a deeper understanding of what someone is going through or experiencing. Empathy is not a word we use in life even though a president said to use it. Nobody really knows what it really means. It’s just a deeper understanding for someone. It’s not feeling your feelings. Who wants to feel bad? However, it is a way to connect with someone deeper. In fact, it feels good for both people.
One thing that everyone wants to do is an upping. This is trying to make someone else’s story seem smaller than it is your story that trumps theirs. Do you use this crazy way of communicating? Guess what, no one likes their story to seem smaller than it is. Offer that person empathy. Yes, a deeper understanding using the connection. You will make a new friend. also.
So empathy is 2 things. One is a question like, Do you want _______? The blank space is a need or quality word, like honesty, if someone isn’t telling the whole story. It could be care, love, healing, or quality. Don’t try to give too much empathy. A little touch will do it or maybe it will sound like a psychologist.
So have fun with this paradigm shift in your communication skills. It will develop your communication skills 9 times. It’s amazing!