Although loss and the resulting pain is a condition of existence, few realize that it comes at a devastating physical cost to the bereaved. This is due to the fact that many of those who are experiencing a divorce or the death of a loved one often suffer from cold or flu symptoms, or end up with severe headaches or an upset stomach.
For more than 40 years I have taught that for every thought and emotion we have there is a corresponding physical manifestation of that thought or emotion on a cellular level. In terms of grief, constant stressful thoughts of life without the deceased, poor eating habits, and the inability to sleep often result in a compromised immune system and eventually some form of illness.
What can be done to move forward and reduce the emotional and physical stress associated with grief? Here are seven approaches to consider when dealing with your loss or helping someone else you are supporting.
1. Everyone needs physical outlets for emotional stimuli. This is because the anxiety and tension of grief show up in the muscle tissue. Consequently, as difficult as it may be, it helps to incorporate some form of exercise into your self-care plan. Go for a walk, do yoga, find some way to get your heart rate up. Depression will be minimized, an increase in endorphins will improve your mood, and you will regain some of your energy and stamina.
I know you’ve heard all about exercise before, but don’t make the mistake of minimizing the great importance of exercise in reducing stress in the long hall. A 10 minute walk is all you need, and if you add a friend, all the better. We need each other.
2. Make sure you rest every day. You may feel fatigued from poor sleep (which is quite normal) or people trying to keep you company or being on the go for most of the day. Insist on being alone for a short period of relaxation. Find a quiet place in your home, put your feet up, and scan your body for tight areas. When you locate one, visualize exhaling your light-filled breath through the tense area. Feel the feeling of release. Remember: do this every day.
3. Fake it until you get it. Caroline Myss, the medical intuitive, said: “Most people suffer not because of what others have done to them, but because of what they do to themselves.” You always have the power to choose which thoughts you will allow to dominate your thinking and your stress levels. Use the catchphrase “pretend until you make it” as a reminder that you can periodically act as you wish and change constant painful thoughts to loving thoughts about the deceased and what you learned from meeting them. . The mental change will affect the physical feelings.
4. On the other hand, don’t make the mistake of running away from pain full time. You will add stress to your life. The ups and downs are necessary and natural for grief. You can overdo the tips for keeping busy. Crying and dealing with pain is better advice. Then try a fun or rest.
5. Try water therapy or a massage. Soaking in a hot tub can provide needed relief from the tension and anxiety of grief. Or put some scented liquid soap in your bathtub and relax in the warm water. At the very least, allow your shower to provide some relief every day. Also, at the right time try a massage. Massage and the power of touch regulate the body’s natural chemicals that affect mood. You will feel the energy shift.
6. Nutrition helps you manage stress. If you don’t feel like eating, try drinking a liquid meal. Substitute the offering of another cup of coffee for spring water. There are three things that will guarantee more stress in your life: lack of food, water, or love. Once you consistently meet these needs, take the energy you’ve saved and direct it toward honoring your deceased loved one.
7. Use your breathing as the first line of defense against stress. Periodically throughout the day turn your attention to your breathing. This can be done practically anywhere. Deliberately take a few deep breaths and silently repeat “Slow down” or choose whatever phrase you like and help you relax.
8. Make a daily “to do” list. List where you will go, what you are responsible for, and include your rest period and one positive thing that you will do just for yourself. Start a project that will be your ongoing work in progress and write it down as part of your “to do” list. It can be a collage, scrapbook, journal or treasure chest dedicated to your loved one or something for your children. Structure will help you reduce stress, but don’t become a slave to it. Reorganize it during the day if you think it is necessary.
9. All of the above has been focused on you. This final recommendation is about what you can do for others by getting out of yourself. Dr. Dean Ornish, the only person who has shown that heart disease can be reversed, says it best: “Love promotes survival. Both parenting and nurturing are an affirmation of life. Whatever takes you out. of yourself promotes healing, in profound ways that can be measured regardless of other known factors such as diet and exercise. “
As your pain progresses, get out of yourself, keep loving and thinking outside the box. This will nurture your spirit, which is as needy as your body and mind.
Finally, vigilance and discipline are needed to manage stress levels during grief. You will need to establish a routine to take care of yourself and make any necessary changes. You can’t do everything at once. Persist and stay committed to your goal. Don’t let a failure or two make you abandon your stress reduction program. Make it part of your new life forever.