Teenagers are a joy some days and monsters others.
Raising ungrateful teens isn’t always what it seems. Teenagers are wired differently than anyone else. Sometimes they act like they’re two years old, stomping, slamming doors and just throwing tantrums, and the next day they show up being sweet and helpful. It is such a confusing time for them as it is for us parents. You never know who you’re dealing with. You almost want to ask them if you’re dealing with the two-year-old or the teenager. If you are confused, imagine how they feel, they are overloaded with hormones.
That said, some teens are just plain ungrateful. How did that happen? They have an entitlement mindset, that’s how they’re wired. The hard part about all of this is that while you’re trying to raise well-rounded children who can one day take responsibility, you’re fighting against society. They are never told that something they have done is wrong. All they hear on TV, friends, and the media is how wrong parents are and how to escape responsibility. They are taught that everything must be fair and they must never be told no.
Parents are the first teachers of their children, so basically you participate in the creation of these monsters. Don’t feel bad, you’re just loving them and want them to have what you didn’t have. So why do you seem surprised when they act ungrateful? It’s not just parents who please these kids, this country is so focused on “being friends” and not parents learning at a young age that they won’t tell them no, that they will lose a sports game or fail a test.
Teens yell and hit things just to get what they want and they want it now! Most of the time they know that if they keep arguing with you they will wear you down and they know that eventually they will get what they want. They use what works and usually it does. They know that. It takes two to fight if you take yourself out of the equation they have no one to fight. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Parents tend to change the way they parent as the teen gets older. They want to be best friends with their child and that just doesn’t work. The fact that they are young adults should not stop you from being a parent, in fact, you should go into overdrive.
Teenagers seem to expect to have everything their friends have and have no real idea what things cost.
Many parents find themselves in this situation. They are loving parents with good intentions. It seems that if the parents had a hard time growing up, they would want the best and being their friend is not the best. Most of the time, teenagers overdo it, so the monster has learned what works.
You can change some of these behaviors.
1. Stop the power struggle.
2. Stop rewarding them for inappropriate behavior.
3. When you say no, you mean no. You can’t change your mind.
4. Stay calm and refuse to argue with them.
5. Your son has great qualities. Praise and reward them for appropriate behaviors.
6. Don’t try to buy her love, it doesn’t work.
Their work has changed since they were little. Now her job is to raise loving and responsible adults. Don’t take them out of everything they get into. You are not helping them. Let them try to solve their own problems, then if they need help guide them to the correct answer, don’t do it for them.
Just remember this will pass. You thought the terrible twos were difficult. You haven’t seen anything yet. Take control now.