“I don’t want to spend Easter with him!” Well, maybe not all day. In fact, you don’t even have to face it when you get up to see what’s in your basket. But can’t they eat together sometime during the holidays? Even if it’s at a restaurant, can’t you and your ex celebrate some of the traditional family occasions together?
Their children will feel much better if they see them participate together in normal activities from time to time. They will enjoy having both parents at their birthday parties, graduation celebrations, and anything else that calls for cake and gifts. They will enjoy seeing you both at your games, parent-teacher conferences, and doctor’s appointments. Do you think you can do it? Here are suggestions that might help.
1. Make sure your current partner and your ex have met. Spend some time together without the kids. Double dating your ex and your new partner can be awkward at first, but anyone can be civil long enough to have a cup of coffee or lunch. You don’t have to eat at a formal restaurant, or go to the movies. Just find a quiet, comfortable place to talk together and learn from each other.
2. Talk to your own lover about your family situation before you commit. Do not exclude her from the meeting, but make sure that she understands how important she is the continuous contact with her ex. Parents often get along well together until a new lover appears on the scene. So, jealousy from adults interferes with strong parenting relationships.
Don’t let your new relationship destroy your good working agreement with your children’s other parent. The children were there first, and raising them with a strong emotional foundation is more important than a new love interest who is too insecure to let you fully participate in their lives.
3. Even if you don’t like the other parent’s current squeeze, treat it with courtesy and respect. You don’t have to share the deepest concerns of your soul with her. All you have to do is be friendly when you see each other at Wal-Mart or on exchange visits. Simply being unpleasant makes a difficult situation more difficult. A little superficial friendship won’t kill either of you.
There are situations that make the advice in this article impractical. If there was abuse or violence in the previous relationship, continually exposing yourself to trauma is not good for you or your children.
If drugs, alcoholism, violence, or some other equally reprehensible behavior isn’t involved, being able to treat your ex and his family like normal human beings could go a long way in helping your kids loosen up and accept all people. new in their post-divorce lives. . They will adapt better to the situation if they see that you are.