Many of my clients are dealing with men who blow hot and cold, who give mixed messages, who throw the bones every once in a while just enough to keep them at bay, but the relationship isn’t really progressing or going anywhere.
It is very heartbreaking to deal with an emotionally unavailable man. You never know where you stand or how he really feels about you. If he really isn’t emotionally available or just not interested in you.
Whatever the reason, it is not advisable to take these men seriously. The problem is that the relationship is often too good to leave, but too bad to stay. You are stuck. Either way you feel the pain. If you are a woman expecting to marry and start a family shortly before the end of your reproductive years, this can be very damaging.
You are desperate. You’re confused. You are exhausted and resentful.
Sounds familiar?
Emotional unavailability is real. Many men at one time or another, sometimes for no particular reason, are going through this stage. When they’re in this mode, there’s very little you can do to change their thinking. Words definitely won’t do it. They have to process their own feelings until they come out of that state on their own.
As a woman, it’s important to catch this early enough before you become too attached to think straight and do the right thing. Unfortunately, for most women in their 30s and 40s who are still single or recently divorced or in a long-term relationship, meeting and dating this species, and often falling in love with them, is inevitable. There are so many of these men out there.
They will often tell you early on that they are not looking for anything serious, but they do show an intense liking towards you and because they are so charming, these women fall for them after a while.
Some of them will chase you hard, but then they will move away as soon as the conquest is complete.
Some will even offer exclusivity or agree on a heartbeat, but it’s obvious their heart isn’t in it. She will still sneak out or talk to other women and even contact women on dating sites.
Some of them are just happy to be in an otherwise stable relationship, aside from the speed of full commitment, whatever that means for the women in question, it’s never fast enough.
Either way, it’s no fun getting carried away.
Many women, however, think that avoiding these men completely will help protect your heart from pain, which is true for the most part, apart from the fact that dating will be very boring and challenging if you dismiss these men completely. These men are funny, they can make your day and make you smile. They make a great company. But then again, women always want more, even when they’ve been told over and over again that the relationship is off the table.
What should a woman do? I offer an alternative that will really improve the quality of your love life and prepare it for the right man: that is, by using these men as your “lab rats” on whom you will practice your feminine magnetism and your skills in relating to men.
Can you really control your emotions and not get addicted to these men? You might still get addicted if he’s that good, but then again, you have no commitment to him in the same way that he has no commitment to you. So yeah, have a few of them at the same time! That way, you won’t unknowingly get hooked on any one in particular. Hopefully, you have some of the ones you like equally, who adore you too.
You will learn a lot from these men.