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How to be friends after a bad breakup

In most relationships, couples come together not only as lovers or spouses, but also as friends. They enjoy talking to each other, laughing together, and sharing secrets as well as creating romantic memories. But what happens when romance breaks out?

Romance can die even in happy, healthy relationships. Unfortunately, it can lead to relationship breakdown or even a breakup. It’s a painful double whammy. You lose your lover and your friend at the same time.

Instead of date nights and lovemaking, you end up with extensive arguments and hurt feelings. So how can you be friends with your ex?

Friendship after a relationship: is it possible?

We’ve all seen great relationships end with two people hating each other, flushing the friendship down the toilet along with everything else. Friendship may have added beauty to the relationship, but they can’t keep up a simple conversation after a bad breakup.

One person may still want the friendship, while the other never wants to talk again. Or one person wants to get back together while the other says friendship is the only option. Usually both people lose the battle and it is a devastating situation. So how can you avoid this unfortunate trend?

What it takes to be friends with your ex

  • Two people with one goal. For starters, a friendship requires two people on the same page. If you push for a friendship when your ex isn’t ready, it only causes arguments and pushes the other person away. That is the exact opposite of what you want. Even if you were the best of friends when you were together, it takes a lot of patience to develop a friendship after a bad breakup. Don’t let heartbreak or anxiety rush you when what you really need is space to cool off. They need time to miss each other and begin the forgiveness process. Only then can the former partners work on building a platonic relationship.
  • Slowly reconnect with your ex. After taking some time apart, be prepared to contact your ex. However, don’t expect things to go back to their place. At first, you may not hang out together at your favorite place or spend hours on the phone like you used to. Maybe just start with small talk. One way to start this is a simple text or email asking how your ex is doing. Keep it short and sweet, remembering that the idea is just to get your foot in the door.
  • Don’t Review the Past. Once he’s making progress in having conversations with his ex, he may be tempted to bring up the issues that led to the breakup. Unless you’re apologizing, this is a very bad idea. Focusing on the present helps avoid arguments that could threaten your future as friends. So discuss something interesting and positive that is happening in your life. If a difficult topic comes up, move on to something more positive as quickly as possible. When reconnecting after a bad breakup, the last thing you want is to cause more hurt feelings. Negative memories only bring negative results.
  • Communicate your goals. Remember to keep communication open and make sure you are both on the same page. If one or both of you want to get back together, this needs to be discussed at the right time and in the right way. If one of you has doubts about the friendship, discussing this is just as important. With such a sensitive issue, you want to make decisions that won’t backfire in the end. You want to avoid hurting each other and focus on a common goal.

It doesn’t work for everyone, but it is possible for exes to become friends. It takes time, understanding, forgiveness, and (above all) patience.

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