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After the marriage has taken place and you have settled in with your husband’s family, you may find that your brother-in-law (BIL) is not your friend or neighbor. However, her BIL plays an important role in the family and is the brother of her new husband.

He acts as the guardian of the family and can be a good person to have on your side when it comes to negotiations in your new home. Although every boy is different, Punjabi boys have a certain pride and attitude that is very different. Often, especially if you are not used to this kind of attitude, there are five different ways to deal with your Punjabi BIL.

Get to know each other

In-laws may be immature or resistant to letting a new person into the family. Everyone feels a bit insecure when a new member enters the family, so their basic goal is to settle down and change everyone’s attitude, making them a different member of the family. BILs are not that difficult, you just need to gain his trust by interacting with him and showing a little interest in his life.

Set a benchmark

Trust is the greatest treasure that one can gain from another person. Set a goal, or benchmark, of a time when you want your BIL to be comfortable with you. Always stay positive with him and show him through your actions towards him that he can trust you. Respect his position in the family and he will respect yours. Over time, once you reach the goal of earning his trust, you will notice that he includes you more.

Take an informal approach

Punjabi men love their native language Punjabi. Talk Punjabi around your BIL and don’t be too formal in your interactions with him. This will keep things flowing. Language helps you take control of your body and makes it casual by expressing what you mean in your BIL’s comfortable native language. Talk together about common and casual Pujabi things, like Pujabi music. Being friends can be done, and letting positive emotions play a part can make things work in a positive direction.

listen and act

Be a mentor or a guiding light and be a good listener at all times. Spend time, play cards and eat Punjabi style food. Punjabis are big foodies. After marriages, families usually get together for dinner and this is the best time to be calm and get to know your brother-in-law’s taste. Learn to be a good chef yourself, gaining confidence and getting good marks from him for the food you prepare.

Eating habits are presumed to reflect the personality of the person in front of you, so act appropriately and have good table manners. A little manners goes a long way. At first, his BIL will be shy and will not find it appropriate to talk to his “bhabhi” (sister-in-law), so you need to break the ice and talk to him and remove the awkwardness, if any.

bittersweet approach

Lastly, actions speak louder than words. You need to set your limits too. If you’re too casual, then he can dominate you, so sometimes being direct in one or two ways will change the way he sees you. While you should be nice to him, it is important that you stand your ground so that he treats you with the respect you deserve in your new Punjabi marriage.

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