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Nowadays everyone seems to talk about this; whenever they come across a person having a bad day, the tendency is to label them as “people with anger management issues.” So, it seems like a new thing, but how new is anger to the world?

What happens is that now, instead of kicking someone else’s ‘butt’ like before, we get into a program that helps us overcome that attitude.

So what is anger and how does it manifest itself? Anger is a very common and destructive attitude that can basically be focused on anything: people, animals, inanimate objects, etc. When we get angry, the tendency is to exaggerate the bad qualities of the offender, which makes us feel the urge to hurt him.

We forget about the ‘good old days’ and create a very negative image that makes us see all the flaws and forget about the qualities. Although for many people this is only a temporary situation, all the damage created in that short period of time could, in some cases, have disastrous consequences for us and others. Have you ever been involved in a fight with your spouse where everything he says has a tendency to irritate you more and more?

Look then, when we are angry we build an imaginary castle around our mind, a filter that blocks good images and qualities, creating unreal faults and even non-existent situations. So what, are we all crazy? Absolutely not, we all go through phases of anger sooner or later, it is a normal human emotion, the trick is learning to control it, overcome it and avoid falling into the ‘same old trick’ of anger knowing that it is extremely destructive. And yes, you have a right to be angry; but anger should not take control of the situation and your life.

One of the main causes of the problems that destroy many couples is the lack of use of anger management techniques. Sharing our life with that special person puts us in a situation where we have to live in close contact with her; sharing our time, friends, home, secrets, customs, etc… At times we can guess (and so can they) their shortcomings with incredible precision and even anticipate certain situations. When we live in a close relationship, it also brings more opportunities for disagreements to arise, in these cases we must not only learn to develop our love, but also our patience if we do not want the relationship to fail. Why wait for a ‘better time to tell her how I feel’? Maybe the day you say something will go wrong, simply because you held back too long and anger got the better of you.

Are those happy moments less and less, have they been replaced by endless discussions? Or, are you the type of person who keeps all that anger inside waiting for “the right moment” to vent it?

In a way, you could be like a sleeping volcano, albeit a very dangerous one. Have you replaced those happy moments in your mind with the phrase ‘he/she is a pain in the back’?

Anger only robs you of the possibility of inner peace, joy, fulfillment, sanity; it could jeopardize your job/relationships, and much, much more. Are you ready for that?

There are several techniques that we use with clients dealing with anger management in our practice; I hope you find them as useful as they are:

  • Identify what triggers your anger. I have heard things like: the tone of voice when they ask me for this or that, rudeness, talking to them on the phone, lies, forgetfulness, etc.

Recognize that when you make mistakes, others may too. Patiently show them the right way, or the way you prefer things to be done.

Recognize that your anger is taking over and replace it with positive behaviors. You will be surprised at the amount of patience and peace you will develop. Practice makes perfect, practice, practice and practice.

Recognize that you can’t change or get rid of people who might eventually make you angry, but you can definitely learn to control your emotions.

Use relaxation techniques; such as: breathing, using calming mental phrases that help you relax, changing or replacing the mental image of the problem, among others.

Instead of looking for a solution to the problem that makes you so angry and frustrated, work on a positive plan to deal with or deal with it.

These, among many others, are some of the options that we could use to manage anger. It is important to know that anger cannot be completely eliminated (and it is not recommended to do so either), but you can learn to control it and become a more assertive and happy person.

If you feel that you probably need help to regain control of your life, if you have the impression that managing anger is something you cannot do alone; Don’t hesitate and get in touch with someone who can help you develop techniques to change that negative and harmful behavior.

yuri ferrer

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